okay pat passed out under dana's car
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
