By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
