is your mom at the bar?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
