All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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