dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
