sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
