One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
