Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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