you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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