I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
