first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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