love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
