Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
