Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
