was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
