Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
