Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
