I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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