I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dicks are not precious.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
