So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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