yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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