Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
