we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
