i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
