you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
