Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
