I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
