I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
