My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
