are you so shy because you have an std?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
