we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
