2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
