My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
