I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My dick has a subreddit
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
