That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
