Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nicole vs. Life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
