halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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