White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i drank out of a bidet.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
