I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
