You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
