now i know why i became what i already was.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
