he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
