Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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