I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
