Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
