Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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