oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
