Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
