we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
