I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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