i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
