Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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