I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
