i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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