I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
