Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
