so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
