SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
