I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize