Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
