I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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