Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
