My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
