First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
