I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
