I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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